I’ve been brought up through the church, baptized at 7, been a missionary kid big time with no rebellious phase, attended a campus ministry through college, gave up drinking to be in its senior leadership group, gave it up again after college (along with a decent salary and all semblance of life boundaries) to work as an intern for the same ministry for a year. My mom died in a horrifically long, drawn out, and painful way my senior year, and then, after a year of postponement, I guess I went through a “why me, God?” phase, which, combined with hypocrisy in the church and a life of getting the ‘safest place is in God’s hands’ doctrine, and I guess a little love/friendship/betrayal drama worthy of at least The Hills… I got the hell out of Dodge to see if living a life paved straight for Hell would be a little less Hellish.
Here’s the key: I believe it really is.
So I’m 140 hours deep and have already decided that I do believe there is a God. I also believe the account in the Bible to be accurate and Jesus to be real and personal, but where I get hung up is that I prefer my vices. It’s hard to see God as trustworthy when he dropped the ball on keeping my mom alive. God or no God, there was no avoiding her death, but at least my plan includes a lot more getting my everyday desires and wants and affords a few more escapes.
What I’m trying to set up is, if Christianity really is the way- if following Jesus is the best way to live, why does it suck? It is basic human instinct to avoid something that is unpleasant. Take your hand off the hot stove, if you will. All this time I thought following Jesus was supposed to make life good and, when life just stayed painful and difficult, I tried not to question it. And this is because the little things about following Jesus get rationalized (and often not well) apart from Jesus. As if the Bible is a guide to how to have the easiest life. Honestly, I think there are things it clearly says in the Bible that don’t make sense nowadays apart from Jesus- rules I don’t get. And when I’ve tried to explain them without Christianity, no one was convinced. I wasn’t convinced.
But I’ve been reading The Jesus of Suburbia, and I had a ‘why didn’t I think of this before?’ moment. Following Jesus… is supposed to suck. It’s supposed to be tough and counterintuitive. Christianity doesn’t have to promise ease-of-use and safety, because it is designed to prove and sharpen a belief in a spiritual world and an eternal life to make up for this one. It doesn’t have to be easy, it just has to be true.
This is the point where Christians are probably thinking ‘duh’, ’wow, this post is getting long’, or ‘following Jesus doesn’t suck, I’m outraged!’. I understand that there are benefits to living the Christian life and that a lot of what the Bible says does make for a better lifestyle, but I feel that following Jesus for me probably means that I will have a totally different and less comfortable set of adventures and need to let go of a lot of the things I currently count as most important.
I am confident that if I choose to live the way the Bible outlines, my life will suck as seen through my current point-of-view. I am choosing to anyway. Here’s to hoping God changes my point-of-view too.
